WhEn FrEnS fAll In LoVe, iT MeAnS ThEy R MeAnt 2 bE tOgEthEr.......

i AM back

2006-09-10T15:27:00.000+08:00

I am back =) feels greAt to be back once again =)

Off tO ThAiLaNd

2006-08-06T19:24:00.000+08:00

Off To ThAiLanD agAIn Tis WeeKend.... I'll be leaving on saturday. 12th august..... dun know how long i be away this time, maybe less than a month ba. Well for now i concentrate on the upcoming ndp this wednesday. Be SuRe to waTch the PaRAde because i am inside~!!! =P sTanDIng 1st row also..... ArmY GOh--- white uniform red beret~!!!

Quote...

2006-08-03T21:36:00.000+08:00

Love hurts not because it ends, but because it goes on............

SiLLY?

2006-08-03T02:32:00.000+08:00

Did i do silly things today? I don't know. I just had to do the things i did today. I don know what made me do it but i just had to do it. I managed to book out early this morning. I was feeling quite bored and msg her. I found out she was all alone at the dentist. She went to remove her wisdom teeth. She was not feeling very well also so i volunteered to rush there to send her home. Well i was glad i did that. She was very very pale when i saw her. Think she lost quite a lot of blood and she really looked in pain. Xin Tong. Heartache see her like this while i cannot do anything to relieve her pain at all. We didn't talk much along the way home... she was in pain so i guess she didn want to talk, although she sounded happy and laughed when she receieved a call from someone. Who can that be? well must be somebody important enough to her to be able to make her smile when she feeling so painful. I realise i can't make her happy anymore unlike last time. =( oh well sometimes i will ask myself why am i doing things when i know doing it will make me sad and hurt (although it doesn hurt as badly as before). Can'T leT go is it? still love her as much? i DoN knOW. hai

Well i went to watch CLICK with kel,yiyang,yy,gz at nite. The movIe was Great. It is a must watch show. It about a guy who placed his carreer over his family and when he regrets it he realises there was no turning pt back. After the movie i got to know that she was running low on gauze. She told me she could last till 2ml but i just bu fang xin. I had to make a trip down to her place to give it to her. Although it was around midnite. I know she wasn able to come out and meet me so i just place the stuff outside her door. Silly? My fren told me that i am silly, doing so many things will only hurt myself. But well, i think i will still do it although i know it will only hurt me more and more. I love her. i still do.... i still wanna take care of her although she doesn belong to me anymore. I am still waiting.... waiting for her to come back again.... =(

....i am waiting for you... waiting for you.... waiting for your kiss the end of night......

AHs dinner

2006-07-28T18:46:00.000+08:00

Here are some of the photos i took at the AHS 50th anniversary dinner. I was glad i was able to rush there in time after my ndp rehearsal last saturday. Met up with many old friends and teachers. Happy =)

wow

2006-07-24T23:00:00.000+08:00

Serene showed me this website yesterday http://www.hooked-nussu.org/content/view/715/88/ . It about relationships in the army. I was WoWed by the article. Every single thing they wrote about is what i have gone through. And i have to admit that they things they wrote about is very true for me. WOw. Actually it seems that i knew most of the things they wrote about here and there but after reading it man did i really realise what really went wrong. And i mean really.

"The National Serviceman who books out and grumbles and complains endlessly about life in camp to his girlfriend also deserves some of the blame. After waiting for you for the last five days, the last thing your girlfriend needs is some sob story that she doesn't have a hope of understanding since SHE'S NEVER SERVED NS" --- i always believe that she will would understand but well i never realise too much of complaining can make one so irritated. I guess that what happened to me , especially when i am in Cdo formation. sobs.

And i find this part vv amusing... here goes... "I think what happens next is a no-brainer. The said couple breaks up. The guy is left to mope in camp and heap words of scorn and hate on "her guy friend from uni" (he needs someone to blame after all, and he's obviously not going to blame himself)," This is what happened to me. Wow. So i guess i was at fault after all. I knew i was but i was not clear about the real reason until yesterday. And Yes. I needed someone to blame about and i picked him. hmmm guess i was quite a jerk back then.

Well i guess i am slowly moving on ba. Maybe i will be a jerk when i go into uni next yr who knows.... but i really hope i can find someone who i can spent my life with next time although what i want is still to turn back and 想回到过去. (xiang hui dao guo qu)

psss Thanks you SeRene for the article. U roCk. I treat you something when i can get to meet you again next time. =)

photos

2006-07-10T19:35:00.000+08:00

Me And My Best BuDDy =)

Me at stadium waterfront... cool bridge =) (act cool)

My GOod BudDieS trying to act cOOL

Det 4 ruLz

my friend snapped my pic without me knowing... yee lots of pimples

wx me and kang.. buddies 4ever @ndp family day 2006

NdP

2006-07-09T23:52:00.000+08:00

YesterDAy WAs NdP 2006's family day where the families of the people participating in this year's parade get a chance to see their loved one in action. I got 5 tickets. I gave it to my mom, my dad, roy, abby and aunty betty =). Well they were late though but at least they came. They were suppose to come earlier to take pictures with me but i guess its okay la. At least they managed to spot me in the parade. Many of you must be guessing how the hell they spotted me, and yes, my smart roy brought a binoculars to the parade. Damn smart and zai. They were telling me all of them took turns to take a look at me on the parade =) i hope my parents were feeling proud then =) i knew abby and roy did. Abby even put that down in her blog. Thanks man, love u guys =) glad that u all came. After the parade they came down to my camp to pick me up and we had supper at changi V. It was good. Abby later came to my house to stay over to watch soccer with me. It was a pity roy could not come. But he was not forgotten, we talk all night about his new darling over the phone =) hope everything will go smoothly for him and he will be happy =)

I went to meet sAm today to gO PS. She went to service her mp3 as the fm receiver seem to have some problems with the transmission. The reception was really damn bad. After that we went to the shop to see my ODM watch that i wanted to get. Well as usual she said it was very expensive, I din expect it cost so much but well i really like the watch a lot. Well in the end she gave in because the watch was really very nice, especially white. One cool feature about this watch is that the clockface displays interesting words when it is in saving mode and when u raise ur hand up to look at the time, the screen will change and display the time and then the date. Cool rite =) the light is cool too. And especially the colour, White! i think it is damn nice la HAPpy =) Then after that we went on and found a good offer. Gurdian selling shaver for half price. There was no stock at PS so we went down back to tamp to get it =) Well she was happy because the shaver was really on 50%offer =) After that she went home for dinner. Chilli crab her favourite~! hope she enjoyed that dinner. I went on to meet Zhiyong and wenxiang for movie. Zy was late though, haha well. We watched superman. Saw kang and gang. so qiao. Well the movie wasn that good. I could feel what the director was trying to potray but i think he overdid it, it was too draggy and long. Superman's reputation was sort of tarnish by the way he depicted him in this movie. Well the visual effect was cool as a consolation. Well i think it is okay if u give this movie a miss really. i Meeting yinglan for lunch 2ml. StiLL thinkIng Of WhAt to eaT. We havn met for almost 6 months already. Wat a long long time. Hmmm really don know what ot eat. We see how it goes ba. In the mean time i must get ready for the big match tonite. New reported that 98% of the soccer fans in s'pore will catch the match tonite. haha. Who will win? seriously i don know. But i supported germany last nite. They were damn good. Seriously. Happie they won=) Felt vv happie gg out with sam today although she seem slightly different, with her new t-shirt, skirt, glasses and shoes and bag. These are stuff where i din get a chance to accomany her to buy. well.... never mind i got my odm watch so i should be happy. By the way today was the first time i used my debit card and my supp card given by dad. Feel cool to be able to pay ur stuff just by signing. =) i love my odm watch =)

AiRbOrnE

2006-07-05T19:30:00.000+08:00

I am jumping off a plane tomorrow. I hope i will be ok and will be able to complete 2 jumps tomorrow. I do not want to hurt my butt again like the last time i jumped. Hopefully i can get to try to jump off chinook(2 propeller helicopter) 2ml. Not really excited about it because of something that i got to know about a few days ago. Well i expected and knew that it was happening but still it still hurt a lot when u get to know about it from the person. =( i HopE i Be abLe to FeEL hAPpy anD lovEd soon. hai. anyway this saturday my family is going to watch the ndp family day. AbbY, rOy, dAd, Mum, and aunty betty going to see me in the parade. Well hopefully nothing goes wrong in the parade this saturday ba.... Well it just struck me that the same time last year, my dad, mum, me and ...... her went to watch the preview. time flies, things changed so fast. Never did i expect i will be in the parade this year and that some things that is so important to me changed. I guess all things happen for a reason. hopefully, i will meet someone whom i wanna spend my life loving and being with her soon..... But i know right now, i am still waiting(for a miracle return).... can't let go yet.... although i know i have to. To people it seems that being single means getting more freedom, but i realise, being single again ------ means u have lost ur freedom. Guess those who experienced it will understand what i am saying. Oh well, ......... i guess i should not be thinking about all this now. I should concentrate on AirBorne. But i will just be bluffing myself. Can't be helped i guess. 想回到过去.....

i wan Tis waTCh

2006-06-30T13:39:00.000+08:00

I waNt ThIs wATch~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HoPE i Can Get it sOOn... =)

bUrNt

2006-06-25T15:59:00.000+08:00

i Won Be hOmE nXt weEk enD... SaturDAy is SAF daE... sUndAY is NdP... but i GueSs aLL tIs Is WortH it ba... GuESs i Must EndurE~!! caNt waIt to ORd...

shopping

2006-06-18T22:09:00.000+08:00

GoT a New BrOWn StRiPE tOp WitH SeRenE anD zhEn Hui TodaY... It waS PreTTy fUn shopPing with serene. HAppy =)

sad

2006-06-11T11:05:00.000+08:00

HaIz...... saD..... iTs bEEn a LoNG TimE sINCE i WeNT oUT with my good freNS ...... ESp YinG LAn sErEne aNd vOn.... TOo Busy..... busy wif ndp rehearsals and army. it has become a rountine that every saturday after rehearsal i will have dinner wif my army buddies then we will walk around at tm. Then we'll head home.... then i be facing my computer lcd's screen until i sleep. Sunday i will stay and rot at home as i am too tired and lazy to go out. even if i wanna go out, my frens will be busy. quite unlucky la. I havn met her for a very very long time also. Some how i miss her a lot. hopefully i'll be able to meet her. tis rountine goes on week after week and i am getting sick of it. but i hope it will be worth it, marching in ndp. Right now i am standing on the first row--- meaning i will be spotted easily and more chances to be featured on national tv on that day. Quite stressful, hopefully i don screwed up stuff and they don chance my postion to the back..... haiz. vv sad. i wanna go kbox with my cousins to sing also. Very long never do that already........ sad. =(

ndp rehearsal

2006-06-03T22:52:00.000+08:00

RoW rOw RoW CHECK~!!! rOW RoW rOW cHECk~!!!!

........... i will be hearing this for the rest of my saturdays until NDP.... its painful but i guess at the end it will be worth it =) tired and burnt out by the sun......

photo

2006-05-28T11:29:00.000+08:00

BBQ @abby hse yesterday... me in my new hair cut..... ugly rite....

hai back to camp tonite again.

pHoTo deleted

2006-05-26T22:47:00.000+08:00

ReAliSed ThAt tHe PhoTO Of mE anD hEr on Her FriEndStEr WaS dELeTed..... dOes tHat mEan tHaT i sHld movE on? sHe oFF to MalAySIa.... sigH wHy caN'T i lEt gO... i jUs cANt fOrcE mySElf to dO that =(

NDp rEheArsal 2ml. shit. saturday burnt.... =(

photo

2006-05-20T21:00:00.000+08:00

AiR BOrNE~!!!!!

Me and My BuDDy Wen JinG~!!! CPLs ALL e WAy~!!

i am sick

2006-05-20T11:30:00.000+08:00

I am sick............. hai......... and my whole body aches due to unarmed combat..... i hate break falls................. gg back to do guard duty 2ml. sigh.

i love rainy days

2006-05-13T15:54:00.000+08:00

I LoVe RaInY dAYs...... especially with her around with me. GeT tO shArE uMbReLLa toGetHeR anD aLso wHen The fLooR iS sO sLippEry...... She'll hAve nO cHoiCe bUt tO gRab my aRm to PrEvEnT heR frOm faLLinG.... JuSt lIke oLD timeS =) I LovE tO Go sHOPpinG WiF hEr fOr sHOes too =) hAhA

pss.... IF onLy iT rAIns EverYday.... haha =P

booking in le. wIll be back nXt wkEnd =)

shopping

2006-05-12T01:46:00.001+08:00

Been out shopping with her these 2 days. Really enjoyed myself. Think i have not spent so much time with her for a very long time already. Really very happy. Feel so comfortable going out with her around. Just like the old times.....

I was talking to her just now. I realised the reason why she went nus is becuase of me. She wanted to go ntu at first. But i wanted to go nus, thats why she chose to go too. However, little did i know that maybe things will be different if she went ntu instead. Now, most likely i'll be going to ntu instead. I can't enter Nus chem engine. i guess they think i am lousy ba. But what i really want to do is chem engine. So i guess most likely i'll go there. But i wanna go Nus because of her. I feel so guilty.... if only she went ntu.... maybe.... ? Too late for anything now also. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe heaven purposely want to play a trick on us. Make one go NTU and the other to NUS when we initially wanted to enter the other school. MAybe by the end of 6 years, we realise that we cant do without one another, the person we want to spend our remaining lives with is each other. I really hope that happens.... Maybe these things happen to strengthen our relationship in the future..... who knows.... i have always been wishing upon stars and recently someone to bless me and her to be back together again. hopefully my wish can come true ba. Hai. i miss her. i love her...stilll =(

iT fEeLs sO nIcE wHeN SoMeoNe WraPpeD hEr aRMs aRoUnD U 2 hUg FrOm BehInD----- I FeLt NiCe yesTerdAy =P

home again

2006-05-10T11:21:00.000+08:00

I am finally home again after one week in camp.... my bed feels so alien to me all of a sudden. I havn been sleeping much on it last few weeks.... oh well.... at least i am back now. think i have been disconnected with the whole world everytime i book into camp. I will not know wats happening outside and i would always have the feeling that i lost contact with my frens also. Feelings sucks. But my army pals are cool people too. Just that the camp itself sux ba. I havn receive any replies from Nus yet. I really hope this time i can get into chem engine in nus. Ntu offered me a place for their chem engine le. Hai. If NUS reject me again i will have to decide between NUS elect engine and NTU chem engine. I want to study chem engine..... but i want to go to NUS........ becoz of..... her? i don know. My heart just tells me that i should go NUS. Hopefully NUS can accept me ba? hai.

Anyway i was part of a firing party yesterday. We attended the funeral of one of the commander in our unit that passed away in a car accident. He was so young.... really feel sorry and sad... In total there were 14 people in the firing squad. We were tasked to pay him the last respect in the form of firing blanks (gun salute) like the ones u see on NDP. (psss we call ourself the "183 club" the tall people; become we were among the tallest in the whole company =P) But i guess no one can imagine the situation yesterday. It was really sad and solemn, especially when you see the coffin get carried into the hall with the state flag covering it. It is really really sad. I don think anyone can imagine that unless he or she is present there.... i don know why but i decided to speak to him in my heart... hope he can help me to find back the love i have lost..... and also to rest in peace.... we'll all miss him....

HAIz i am on OFf again till saturday. so I am FREE. Feel free to sms me and call me out~!!!! if not i don know when i be free again hai =( i miss tj. Saw serene blog last night. Got to know that they visited tj. I miss tj. =(

i miss her

2006-05-01T14:09:00.001+08:00

Got to go back to camp tonight. Feeling quite sian about it. Although i had a long break but breaks are really never enough, no mater how long they are. I got to be on standby the whole of this week again. So that means bye bye to saturday and sunday. I'll miss my bed. I have just finished watching 'My date with a Vampire 2' on vcd. Its so much better than the third part. I never regret buying it although it costs quite a lot. The show is nice because of the way each character is potrayed and the love hate relationship between each character. Although the special effect looks dumb but its the love story between them that i love the most. Especially between Ma Xiao Ling and Tian you. Xiao Ling is really hot!!! I heard she is 30+ yet she looks of sexy and pretty with the mini-skirts. haha. For those who are interested can get the vcd from me. I bet u won regret it. The main thing i learnt from the show---- Love is the strongest strength in the world. I believe it really is. Love can be love between the parent and child, love between brothers, but i believe the most powerful kind of love is the love for the special someone in your life, really, trust me =P..

Feeling quite empty these few days especially during the night. Feels weird not being able to talk to her these few night. I think.... i miss her. Hao xiang ta. Yup we went to have dinner on friday at PS. We had a great time~! It was also one of the few times in such a long time i felt useful again, being able to help her with something. =) hope she is having a great time right now in malaysia, and be safely back here tonight. Wonder if she'll get anything for me eh =P? haha. hope i can hear her voice tonite =P i guess i still love her. But i don mind the relationship between us now. Its comfy and nice............... i miss her, xiang hui dao guo qu.

back

2006-04-26T23:23:00.000+08:00

I'm bAcK home finally after staying 9 days in camp doing standby. It feels so great to be home again. I pretty happy. The standby was not as bad as i imagine. Time past pretty fast and i enjoyed being with my buddies in camp (i think tis is the first time i am happy in camp). They are great ~! =) i'll be free until next monday~! so if anione is free feel free to msg me or call me and ask me out for coffee~! i am so damn bored at home.... rotting... for those out there who are mugging for their exams.. jia you~!!! it will be over vv soon =)

K-Box`

2006-04-15T23:26:00.000+08:00

I am officially a member of k-box from today =)......... met up with chengwei, zhiyong,wenxiang and jonay today. we had a great time =)Saw bAo bEi xIng while walking home todAy..... realised that even after so long, i am still in love with her.

bubble tea

2006-04-14T22:13:00.000+08:00

She loves honeydew yoghurt bubble tea....... and i realise i still love her a lot =)

time to move on?

2006-04-06T02:19:00.000+08:00

Well, i think its been a long time since i sit down and think what i am going to do about my relationship with her. After talking to her on the phone just now, well i felt a bit sad, disappointed but it was not as painful as i imagine it will be. Given few months ago, i could have cried if i heard the same answer from her. No she never say anything bad or harsh to me, it was the answer i want to know and somehow what i expected. For now i can even joke about it with her. I guess time really can "dan hua" everything. I sort of enjoy the kind of relationship i have with her now. Although sometimes i want to be with her again, i come to realise that maybe the reason why i feel this way is that i miss the happy times we had together during our college years. The "old" her i guess, not that she changed but the environment that we were in. Carefree, love-dovey, so much time for one another.. I realise that even if we are back together again, things will not be the same anymore. We won't have time for one another at all, especially when i am still in the army now. Even when i am in university, we will be in different yr and busy with our own work. We won't have time for one another like what we used to have during JC. I guess that is why people say romance during sch days are always the sweetest. I guess it will not be fair for her as well because i cannot be there for her when she needs me the most. I feel so helpless at times when she is troubled with her work. I cannot teach her, help her like what i used to be able to do. All i can do is give her moral support, help her to jia you, wish upon shooting stars for her to do well. The most i can do is to buy some stuff for her to eat. It is not practical for her at all, because i don't think all these can really help her. Wish i can do more but for now i can't. Its always very irritating and fustrating when i can only tell her to jia you, u can do it and not do anything constructive to help her. I guess its time for her to move on and find someone who she can depend more upon, someone who can provide care and corncern, someone who can take care of her when she needs it the most. Something i want but unable to do...... who knows, maybe at the end of the day we will end up together again? only time will tell....

On another note, i hope i can find someone special when i enter university next year. It is not that i am desperate or what but i really want to find someone who i can love and love me. To me, the most important things in life is not being super rich, own cars and houses, but to meet someone special , someone who will spend the rest of her life with you, loving you. The meaning of life to me is to experience love, find the someone special, have kids and keeping old frens and making new ones (and also kinship). These are e most important things to me especially being with someone you love.

So i guess does that mean i should move on now? Or am i moving on already? But no matter what i still be there for her when she needs me, give her encouragement and support and help she needs. I am comfortable with the way we are now. I really enjoyed that day when i celebrated her bdae. I think she did too--- thats the most important part about it......

its been 12 years since i know von... its damn long already.... haaha talked to her until 4am last nite. i love the way she like to talk about how pri sch classmates end up getting married and complete a fairy tale. personally i love sweet stories a lot also. but i just cannot understand why she will link me to "my girl" so often. haha. she going force me to pick her as e bridesmaid for my wedding. i think i am going to force her to make me her bestman for her wedding also. =) Its really nice to have her in my life. I guess all this while she been there for me, my ups and lows. really appreciate it =) hope tis goes on forever =)

heard another sad story today. Sad for my fren yet happy for the other. HaiZ. really don know to feel happie or sad. hopefully my sad fren can get over it soon, and all the best to my happy fren.

Yes i am back home and i get more long-winded as i get older. cant believe i am 20 already, so old..... hai. i hope to find tat someone special soon. but still i still prefer my dearest princess.....

PisSed....

2006-04-05T01:15:00.001+08:00

I guess today is one of the rare time in my life i flared up and lost my temper. I don't know why i blew my top at one of my ncc fren today. I was pretty harsh on him, i feel quite bad but i did nothing wrong. Maybe Sam right, we are still young, we are still in contact with one another. That why we regard a alunmi dinner (ahs) as not important. "why not meet ourselves and organise ourself so we won have to pay so much?" ..... but at the end of the day, who will step out to organise the gathering? u or me or him? or do you think we will end up not meeting instead? Since someone is willing to come out to organise such a big event, we shlould support him. Do you think he is so free that he got nothing better to do than to organise this event to keep himself busy? Hai Yes i guess the cost is quite expensive. $80 for a dinner. But if it was grad nite i bet everyone will just go and not mind the cost. There actually no reason to say that u don have money. Just start saving from today, one dollar a day. by then one would have saved up to $90 already (3 months from now). Yet some people can spent their money buying stuff that they like without minding the cost. Ironic. I guess its like wat sam says. Its only when we get older, when we start to lose contact with one another, then we value such gathering. But will there be anymore of such gathering next time when we grow older if not many people attend the gathering everytime?Will there be someone who will take the initative to contact everyone about the gathering? i hope so. i seriously hope so. I really hope i can get at least a table tis yr. Been a long time since everyone sit down together around one big table to have a meal together. i am still pissed. -_-"

"If not u, then who? if not now then when?"..........................

ps. for those interested in coming for the ahs alumi dinner can contact me @96877681. its on the 22/7 @ expo hall 4. $80 per pax. hope to see u all there.
http://www.ahsalumni.sg/anniversary.htm

BaCK HOmE FinaLLY

2006-04-04T11:17:00.000+08:00

PheW..... I Am finally back after 1 month of crazy time at Thailand. The weather there is really crazy. It gets so hot in the day that u can even sweat while sitting under the fan in the afternoon. But it gets so cold at night esp in the wee hours of the morning. Thank god i am still alive now, not cooked yet =P SO did anyone missed me while i am gone? i guess not =( haha. I learnt a lot of new things in thailand, walked damn far there with a super crazy heavy bag -_-", charged up a hill which is super steep. It was tiring but i got to say it was very fun with all my buddies around. There seem to be a lot of mosquitoes at nite in camp, but not out in the fields. wierd rite? i got bitten like crazy even though i slept in a mosquito net. caNT figUre out how the heCk they fly into it also. The food there is okay (i mean the canteen). The coookhouse food there suxs. There are also a bunch of shemales there in the canteen that scares ur soul out of u intially. haha =P R&R was okay, quite enriching, learnt many many things about animals. There was this safari park back there where they will bring u around in a bus to feed the animals. As r driven around u, animals like giraffes and zebra come chasing u to feed them. Esp the long neck where they will stick their head into the window and stick their black digusting tongue out to wait for u to feed them while leaking buckets of saliva in the proccess. eeeeee but it was fun~!!! Managed to walk through"fish tank" b4 i came back. It was an eye opener. The "fishes' there are so young, really pity them a lot. CaNt imagine how the people have the heart to catch them up..... i never miss home so much b4.... miss my friends and esp sam =) cant wait to meet up with all of them asap =) someone agreed to treat me food when i get back while another still owes me my present =P hahaa. i love Singapore but i kinda miss thailand.... oh well. It was really fun living with so many guys in a big wooden hse =) and psss... weather does affect one's mood.
It seems tat temper are flaring esp when the weather hot and one is so far away frm home. It feels good to be back home again =)

Off to THailand

2006-03-06T00:41:00.000+08:00

HaIz... WiLL bE FlyIng off to thailand 2ml nite. sigh will be away from one month..... very long.... cant see all my frens, and esp the girl i care about the most.... i really hope this month will end fast and faster come back to see her. yar... mUz tK CarE k pple.... i'll Miss u PPle....
I'll miSs u gong Zhu Bao bEi.... must promise me to take good care of urself and jia you k.... =(

really very happy

2006-03-04T01:35:00.000+08:00

I AM So HAPpy Lah... really i never felt so happy before..... i could not really ask for me already. THanKs FOr e MMs... i love it.... i Can Look At iT wHen i MisS u In ThaiLAnd or when I AM fEeLing dowN. I aM gLad U r hAPpy aNd u ENjoyEd urSelF..... i miSs ya =)

HaPPy

2006-03-03T23:49:00.001+08:00

If OnLy ToNiTe NeVeR EnDs =).............. i AM So HaPPy ToDaY... Sha La LA La............ LoTS oF loVe =) *hUgS aND KisSes* =P

Its my birthday~!

2006-02-22T11:29:00.000+08:00

It is my birthday today =) I was quite surprised this morning when i received quite a few sms from my friends wishing me happy birthday today. It was very very sweet of them. Frens like Yin Jie, wei qi, jona. Happy.. There were also a few of them who sms me after 12 last night. So sweet also~! Deborah, kelvin and Von..... thanks =) really appreciate it. I never knew so many people remembered my birthday. I am really really touched. Many of you must be wondering why i am here at home. Well i got my birthday off today, so i can to stay at home instead of staying in camp. Nothing beats booking out of camp =) Maybe i meet someone for dinner b4 i go back to camp ba. i am cinderella tonight. Cannot exceed 12am =)

when was the last time u praise someone?

2006-02-19T16:24:00.000+08:00

When was the last time you praised someone? This statement struck me deeply during the start of Jack Neo's lastest movie "i not stupid too". It made me realise yar, it has been a long time since i really praised someone. Is it really that hard to do it ? No, but why people do not do it? It been a long time since i was praised in person as well.(not that i have done anything worth to be praise anyway) The show was very touching. There were two scence where i teared, yes i teared~! One was the part where jerry told his dad the reason why he stole--- to buy one hour of his dad time just hoping for him to attend his concert. That was it man... Another one was the scence where jack neo kneeled down to beg the grandma not to report Tom to the police. Ah...... This show really set me thinking about many many things. Made me realise lots of things as well.... relationship, kinship......

dou shi ni------- xiang nian de xin, zhuang man de dou shi ni. wo de shou ji jian xun qun dou shi ni. wo de re ji xie man de dou shi ni de ming. cai fa xian, wo ai de ai shi ni.....

sick

2006-02-18T12:54:00.000+08:00

ARG~!!!! i hAte to be sick. But i guess it wasn so bad. i managed to get two days mc to stay at home to rest haha. i missed a route march and ippt =X my great pals celebrated my birthday yesterday. it was very very sweet. i thought they forgot my birthday was coming. i had no idea that the gathering yesterday was to celebrate my birthday. We had dinner at tao resturuant. It was really nice. The dishes there are very unique and special. The service there was good~! I had a birthday cake as well. happy =) i made a wish. I am not going to tell u wat i wish for. but i guess everyone knew what my wish is =P. Hopefully i will get my birthday off next wednesday =)

FaLcOn 2

2006-02-12T21:46:00.000+08:00

THiS wEek has been quite crazy for me. Went outfield to mandai and lim chu kang. Had to walk through the tunnel of drain and wet my feet. i think my foot rot is coming back. sigh. I think it was on the road of recovery until i soaked my feet in the dirty drain water again. yikes +_+ But finally FaLcoN 2 is COmpleted.~! now i won have any more outfield until thailand. Never realise time will fly so fast, in another 3 week time i will be off to thailand already to suffer. 40 degrees. crazy weather. wonder i can take the heat or not. But there is no way i am going to shave my head again unless it is an order frm the top. i don like to be botak. Never manage to meet sam this week. NeveR MiND. i planning to give her a surprise next tuesday. going to give her something simple, but i hope she will find it sweet ba. I wanted to watch I Not Stupid Too yesterday, but there were not any good seats hai. yar suppose to watch with yinglan and kel. She looked very pretty although she was wearing something very simple. She really look good wearing yellow tops~ will mi si all the guys around her haha! i think she should get more yellow clothings haha. yAR but the day never ended well. suppose to be a light hearted gathering at coffee bean yar. then went supper with kel later on. the prata and roti john @kebangan is really good. Should go there and try if u all haf the chance. by that time it was already 2am. and i happened to spent all of my money, no money to take cab home le. sound silly rite? ahah luckily my cousin hse was just around the area so i went there to spent a night. Luckily he was still awake studying. LoTs of packing to do next week. got to ship all the stuff to thailand first! Hai i am gg to miss all my gd frens and esp samantha. =(

6/1(98)

2006-02-05T02:01:00.000+08:00

Today was cool. I met up with some of my primary school classmates. Can u imagine that? It has been almost 8 years since we saw each other again. Ester changed quite a lot, very pretty and skinny. Pei Lee become very pretty also and she looks so much like Wee Inn (and i mean really really look alike). haha. harma looks pretty much the same =) peng li also, shawn look really cool with his long hair. firdaus looks e same, sharifah looks so classy now. debra changed quite a lot but not much from the last time i saw her yar. and jia yee looks pretty much the same. i managed to talk to her for quite a while today. walked her home also since she just lived a few blocks away. its strange how comfortable i felt talking to her after so many years. It weird how comfortable i felt taking to the girls after so many years. I think i never talk so much to them before in primay schhol. Mr Tan is still our good old Mr Tan. Still as handsome and cool as before. i really miss those days.... i hope we can meet up again someday and go out together =)

Guard duty was tiring. But it wasn so bad. i managed to talk quite a lot to louis. I am more clear with my goals in life and my purpose of living. yar. kel been real sad and ying lan is vv troubled these few weeks. Hope things will get better for both of them. Sam been really busy, hope she can take care of her health and breeze through her school work. Von finished her project finally can now she can relax and enjoy life haha =) i gg outfield next week. It will be really tiring. sad. i hope next wk can be over sooner. Got to book in early 2ml, sad. but i really happy i met 6/1 today =)

photos 1503

2006-01-26T23:45:00.000+08:00

Here are the photos the gals and i took 2 days ago at their ntu hall....... they look pretty hur? =P

oops i din mean to block yvonne =P

is there something fishy going on between hong ling and yvonne? =P
hmmmm who e gal in the yellow shirt?
Yvonne trying to act handsome =X =)
3 pretty gals--- charlie's angel? haha .... hong ling, hui zhuang and yvonne =)

Me anD XiaO mEi =)

1503.........

2006-01-26T02:35:00.000+08:00

Spend quite a meaningful day today =) I met up with zhen hui and hubby, hong ling, bao ying for dinner. We ate jap food. It was nice but it was super filling. I never felt so full eating rice before.Haha. After that i went over to their hostel to take a look at their rooms. It seems to be living in hostel is quite fun. Can just walk to ur neighbour and just drop by to chat or even eat some stuff together. Luckily Hong Ling has a tv in her room, managed to catch the 9pm show. I been wondering if there is really such a gal like chun chun in this world where she would give her everything to a guy and don't expect anything back. Is it really possible? can it really be done?----- Loving without owning the guy or the gal. For me i think it is really impossible. It really takes a lot, too much in fact. After the show we drop by to visit eliza and hui zhuang. Yvonne was that too. It was a pleasant surprise. I don think i ever talk so much to many of the gals in 1503 before. It was really nice. If i have the time next time i go and visit them again, i try to attend the class outing too. haha. I still pondering over to go NUS or NTU, chemical or electrical engine. Can't seem to make up my mind..... but really my brain has rusted ever since i came into army. really hope i will be able to catch up with my studies by the time i enter uni ba. i miss 1503, i miss the jc days so much. i wanna go back tj. =(

Long bReak

2006-01-21T00:17:00.000+08:00

Realised i havn been blogging for quite a while. been lagging very badly. Finally i get a long break. I am off from now all the way to chinese new year. sounds cool right? but i am not excited at all. everyone is so busy next week. all my close frens,pals, no one seems to be free at all. There no chance i can manage to go out and spent the entire day with them. I guess i use this time to train up myself for my overseas training. I am going thailand in March. I will be there for the entire month. I am still not sure when i leave yet, but hopefully it be after sam birthday. I want to celebrate her birthday for here this year although my status have changed. But still i want her to enjoy herself that day and be happy always. Hopefully i leave after that. Then i be able to celebrate Von brithday i hope. Just realise that heaven seems to be playing a trick on me. When i am free everyone seems to be busy, when i am busy the rest seems to be so free. haha oh well blame it on my luck then. So anyone out there who is bored out there can look for me, lonely simple boy. Haha. Realise that i been acting like a small boy since the new year. I like being a small boy. I can see the world as a beautiful innocent place to live in. =)

Sam---- work hard and jia you for ur studies this sem. know u will be under a lot of stress, but remember, like what i always say, belive in urself. U have the ablility to go far, but alawys remember frens are important also =) open up ur social circle. and also sleep early-- u know u need a lot of sleep yet u don wanna sleep early. i spank u if u r tis naughty again =) no matter what happens, i always be here to protect u =)

Ying Lan---- take care of ur body girl. know u are super duper busy these few months. Jia you k. Hope u won be sad anymore. stay happy and smile if not ur simple boy won be happy also =) will be waiting for to treat u ice cream again. ur simple boy will always try to be there for ya =)

Serene--- remember what u promised me too for the new year. smile more and stay happy. if not i won be happy as well. i just a call and sms away if u need me.

Von---- mei.... u ah. dun know how to take care of ur body. Don know what is drink sufficent water and rest when u are tired. naughty~! wanna beat u up la. haha. u better recover fast. avoid heaty stuff and start eating my dear. dun skip meals frm today. bad for ur health. i know u find me nag but i don care. i am this naggy. no chance to regret also. we know each other for a decade le =) u stay happy too k. anything feel free to sms me or call me =)

Spent my New YeAr IN CaMp

2006-01-04T07:57:00.000+08:00

I realised i have not been blogging for quite a while. Been very busy lately. Wonder if anyone misses my post or not? =P Sometimes i wonder how many people has actually read my blog. I was imagining only some of my close friends will read it but i realise that there are actually more people out there who reads it. =)

Spent my new year in camp. Totally new kind of experience. A once in a life time opportunity. It was not as bad as i imagined because i had a bunch of great pals staying with me in camp also. Managed to watch a show named "The Recruit" in camp. The plot is very good, you will never be able to guess what will happen next. However, because of this standby duty i was not able to attend my jc class outing. Think it has been quite a while since i attended my class outing. Not that i don want to go, but always it somehow clashes with my army schedule. Don't know why. Think maybe my classmates are starting to forget my existence. But i still remember them vv clearly. Heard from zh that they are saying i am disappearing into thin air. haha. no choice, someone has to sacrifice, someone has to protect the land while the others enjoy =P I got to say jc was one of my happiest period of my life. I don think i need to elaborate more on that. I guess you all should know why. Really miss those time. If someone ask me whether i would want to go back in time and fall in love again even though i know that i will get hurt, i would say i will want to go back no matter what. i miss those times, miss them very badly....

Got to book into camp tonight again. (sadly) Will look forward to the chinese new year holidays. I have a long holiday then. Time to feel like a civilian again. =)

NicE pHotoS

2005-12-17T02:50:00.000+08:00

My dearest cousins--- abby and roy
Finally the Red BeRet~!!!!

Dinner and Dance--- she's pretty eh?

Finally, the saga ends....

2005-12-17T01:20:00.000+08:00

Well, i guess this is the best solution for now. I guess the 3 of us really need a break, away from all the stress and unhappiness resulted from the incident. I am quite okay with it. Don't think i feel very sad about the decision she made. I think she deserve a break too. She need time by herself. Space to carry on with her life without me and him pestering her, giving her pressure. I hope this is how i really feel, and not a front i trying to put up so she won't be so sad.

I realise i been very unfair to her. Right here i want to say sorry to her. The words i used in my blog, the way i wrote, give people a wrong impression of her. She is not that bad. She is definitely not 2 timing. Just that i guess the words and way of my expressions gave people a wrong impression of her. They misread my blog i guess. I guess i was quite irresponsible. I never thought of how she will feel when she knew that i wrote all this in my blog. Really sorry. But i guess finally, the saga ends. Hopefully.

I managed to talk to the guy over msn with her around. Guess i finally got the answers i wanted. Finally got to know how the guy is like and i was amazed. I'll be a gentlemen(haha jus joking) and not comment on how i think of him. I don't think it is important now anyway. Well but he isn that bad as i imagined after all. =)

Had a great day with her today. Although we just lazed around at my place. Never felt so relax, so comfortable with her in a long time. I like this feeling. We laugh, we joke, we tease one another. It was fun, really fun. I never enjoyed myself so much in a long time. I guess i won go into another relationship so soon. Right now, i still love her a lot. I still miss her when i can't get to see her. I somehow hope that in future we will be together again. If we are meant for one another, i guess we be together again in future. So right now i am single and very available. So any gals out there who wants to find a boyfriend, u can consider me being one of ur top choices =P haha i am just kidding. =)

Right now i like to take this opporturnity to thank all my good friends and buddies who helped me through this difficult time. Especially Von, Wei Qi, Xiao Mei, Serene and Ying Lan.

Von--- Thanks for being there for me when i need you. really appreciate it when u urself are having some problems too. although we don get to meet vv often i know u r always just a phone call or a msg away. thanks.

Wei Qi-- thanks dude. thanks for lending me a listening ear, thanks for giving me good advice and supporting me no matter what my decision will be. sorry for not being there for u during ur difficult times. but i promise i be there for u whenever u need me from now on. Buddies 4ever. and good luck --- hope u can settle the problem with u and ur lao mei soon.

Xiao Mei--- Thanks for being there for me. Thanks for suffering so much after the 1st 3 months. Hope u and gh will live happily ever after. Help me prove my belif that although having a relationship in jc is too early, with determination, the fairy tale can still come true. I hope to see u getting married soon. =)

Serene-- I enjoyed myself talking to talk that day at starbucks. Never knew we could hit off so well. Guess we must find more time next time to go out together =) Jia you in ur course k. I know u r suffering in there, feeling quite lonely in school. But don't worry, i am just a call or a sms away if u are bored and need someone to talk to =) i hope u and joel (2 love birds =P) can prove my belief of love also. Make the fairy tale come true. I will be waiting for the invitation for ur wedding dinner also =)

Ying Lan--- I think i just knew u for a few month but i felt as if we knew one another for a very long time. Thanks for being there for me even though u r having some problems urself. Thanks for comforting me and being there for me even though u r busy. thanks u so much. I have a feeling that our friendship will last for a vv vv long time. It has always been very enjoyable talking to u over the phone and sms. Esp over the phone, u never fail to make me smile and laugh haha. And i feel so comfortable talking to u in person although we met only 2 times? haha i guess this is call fate ba. Ya i still owe u an ice-cream treat. I treat u vv soon. don't worry. can't run away also. =P hopefully u be able to solve ur problem also. =)

Going shopping with sam 2ml. Vv excited. Think its been quite a while since i went out shopping with her. Hopefully she won try to restrict on the stuff i buy. she always nags me on how i like to anyhow waste money. Haha. guess i typed a lot today. Haha. But next week i am going outfield training. It will be vv tough, hopefully i will be able to survive. I will be confined to camp this festive season also. Doing standby duty---- to ensure that all of u are safe out there while u enjoy urselves in the holidays. Have fun for me k? haha. =)

tired

2005-12-10T00:55:00.000+08:00

I am sick and tired of all this rubbish already.... i was happy this morning. i was sad after msging her. but was feeling better after meeting wei qi and then serene. Had a really nice talk with serene just now. Enjoyed myself =). But i guess i am tired of all this.... wo hao lei le..... =(

i am a cry baby

2005-12-06T18:09:00.000+08:00

I never cry so often in my life before. I have become a cry baby. I am crying now. Okay not crying but tearing. I teared yesterday and the day before. I teared last week, last month. I teared, i tear and i am going to tear again. I never knew i had so much tears in my tear duct before. Now i know.

Heaven seems to be playing a trick on me. Sam purposely chose this week to go to school because i once told her i was going outfield this week. However my schedule changed. I am super free this week. Yet i am not able to meet her at all. She with him, 24/7. She with him at ochard now. Here i am at home, alone. I don like the feeling of being alone. Right from the start when i was born. I hate this feeling to the core. I hate this. She afraid of leaving him alone to meet me. She afraid of hurting him. I can understand that. He is jealous when he see her msg me. Yet he msg her when she with me. Wow. I don see the right why he is not happy with it and don like this when he himself is doing it. He tries to drag the telephone conversation when she was with me. I try to cut short my phone conversion with her when she with him. Am i being too nice or am i just being stupid? I don know. I am just a simple boy like what ying lan said? I think i more like a stupid boy like what sam used to call me. stupid. s-t-u-p-i-d !s-i-l-l-y! d-u-m-b. He once complained why he can only spend weekdays with her while i have the whole weekend with sam. Now i don think he dare to say it anymore. I guess his maths have improved and now he realise that ----total time during weekday> total time during weekend---- He was in the army before. But i guess he forgot how lonely it was, especially without someone u love with you. I guess i am weak. i guess i have no pride. My love for her is so great that it took my pride away. Took my senses away, took my brain away as well.

But i have to thank her for letting me know what love is. For letting me feel what is like to be loved and cared. How it is like to hold hands, kiss, hug. how it is like being together with ur loved one. Thank you. Xie Xie ni. I don look forward to her making any decision. I don think she will choose me. Will things be worse once she decided? I don know and i don even dare to think about it.

i been reading a book. "crying out love in the center of the world" Very nice book but its in traditional chinese. But its a good read. The story is very very touching. "be with you" is another good book. i havn read it but i watched the movie. I watch until i teared with sam. its nice. should go watch it. "crying out love in the center of the world"--- no happy ending. girl died of cancer. although the relationship lasted for 3 years, i guess it will last forever in the guy heart. i guess this applies for me as well. At least they had a happy memories together. When i think about me and sam, all i though of was the happy moments we spend together. The first time we held hands, kiss, hug... and not the sad time we have. We have lots of happy times together i think. Thanks for the nice memory. i hope we can still continue but i guess i be contented as well bringing away with me a nice memory of being together with you. Thank you. I be waiting for you like what i promised. Wo hui deng ni hui lai wo de sheng bian. =)

Her exams are finally over.....

2005-11-27T10:55:00.000+08:00

Her exams are finally over. Does that mean she is about to make the decision soon? So its him or me? I don't think anyone will know the answer right now. Not even sam herself. It is painful for me to see her suffering so much even after her exams. Not only she has to face pressure from him, she has to face pressure for me also. I know it is not easy for her to make the decision. But i guess this cannot go on forever. All in all, i think all 3 people will get hurt, but its the guy who lost and her herself that will get hurt the most. Seriously i really hope she will come back to me. But i am not forcing her. I know she is troubled enough. It is really up to her to see who she want to choose, who she thinks can give her happiness in future. Call me stupid, call me dumb. I think even if she didn choose me, i will still end up sticking by her side, helping her if she needs me, waiting for her to come back to me. Wei qi asked me if i will accept her if her relationship with him do not work out, i said yes. i will still want her. Don't ask me why.... I know she not the best around, she is not the prettiest around. But she the girl i love so much so much. i love her for who she is. And not complain about who she is not. I should not compare her with other people.....

I am making porridge for her right now. She is having a bad stomache. I hope she can recover fast. Hope she like e porridge.... i know i cant cook vv well. The last time i cooked for her the porridge was burnt. ya burnT..... but i guess i can keep on practising. Will cook better porridge in future....

Dinner and Dance was okay. Food was okay. The entertainment was quite lousy but overall still okay la. Enjoyed myself with Sam that night....

Ying Lan in Thailand right now... suddenly feel quite lonely without her sms and her bubbily voice... Hope she enjoying herself shopping right now. Wonder if she gotten anything for me =P i think the most important thing for her is getting a present for kel. haha. happy for these 2 love birds....

Going to book in tonight, hate this.... hate this,,,, hate this.

72km----

2005-11-19T14:54:00.000+08:00

Another week has past. Things are different now. I used to wear jockey cap, now i don the red beret. I was presented to red beret yesterday. My parents, uncle victor , tessa and tricia came down to support me last evening.HaHa. I thought i would tear after getting it but i did not.Why? It because of Sam why i work so hard to get the beret, but its also the reason why i lost her. I wanted to cry, but i just can't. Not at that point of time, maybe my foot was hurting too much for me to feel anything....

72km---- longest distance i ever walk in one day. I walked from 0900-0645. 23 hours of hell. My legs never hurt so much before. My foot never felt so relectant to walk before. East Coast never seem so far so far before. It definetely not easy to complete 72km. It does not depend on your fitness, it depends on your mental strength. If you have it, you can complete it. Commandos are like any other ordinary people. You take a knife and cut, u bleed. You take a knife and cut us, we bleed too. We are just ordinary people that do extraordinary things. Like what cheif said, Commandos is not about being the best, its about doing your best, fighting until your last breathe. East coast was no so bad. At least there are some girls to see, let us feel high for a while, easing the pain on our foot. But when night falls, all e gals are gone--- our morale fell too. Its strange to see at 1-2am there are still people including girls, blading or jogging at east coast. Maybe they really like e beach so much ahah. I love the sea, i still do. Just that i will not be going there for some time(cant walk properly, cant cycle sobs).

I got to thank Sam and esp Ying Lan for supporting me throughout the march. Without their support i don't thing i be able to complete the whole distance. Ying Lan--- so fun to talk to. has the ablility to make me laugh and smile even i was so tired. Sam--- its e love from her that kept me going. Guess i owe both of them something =)

Now i going to give my legs some rest now. i owe them quite a lot haha. they been complaining to me (numbness). think if i don give them any rest they disown me =/ ahah.

2005-11-13T01:07:00.000+08:00

I have not blog for almost a week i guess. Or maybe 2 weeks? Now i am trying to blog in proper english. No more short forms, no more singlish or broken english. But i guess it will be pretty difficult. Ya i had a very busy week back in camp. Went through 24km route march carrying a jerry can.I almost died but i pushed myself on. That is because i told myself if i am able to complete it carrying the jerry can ( 20l of water;20kg) sam will be able to do well in her upcoming exams and she will come back to my side. Sounds quite dumb right? But like what i always say, that just the way i think. At least it gives me so hope. Sunday was live firing, i did not get to sleep until 5am that day. Very tired. Tuesday to Friday was batallion exercise. Learnt a lot of things but it was very tiring. The total hours i slept for the whole week was around the total hours i slept last night. It really that bad. haha. I almost wanted to cry when i was the casualty party carrying a person back to a place 2km away while carrying my load. It was very very tough.

I managed to see one or two fire fly during this exercise. I guess i was quite lucky. It is really not very common one get to see fireflies in Singapore. The only other place you can find them is Ubin. But now i guess given the way how Ubin has developed over the past few years, you might not be able to find them there anymore.Its quite sad right? haha. And again i do what i always do. i made 2 wishes when i saw the firefly.... hope that she will come back to me and she will be able to breeze through her exams. silly me. But now i xiang tong already. It up to her. I am not forcing her to make any decision at least not until her exams are over. Right now i just do what i can to help her relieve her stress and to study better. I will just see how it goes.

Another thing... i quite jealous of this kang wei von has been talking about. Not jealous in the sense of boyfriend girlfriend type but as a friend kind of "jealous". I guess it is because she don't share all of her problems with me already. She used to. haha but i am glad she is able to find another soul mate. I am quite happy for her. But sometimes you just wish you are the first person she will look for when she is in trouble. It just make you feel important, makes you feel that at least you have some reason to exist in this world. But seriously i just jealous as a friend. I am quite jealous of Kelvin also. Ying Lan is quite a nice girl. She seems to put others before self. Likes to sms and talk on the phone. Quite glad that now she and i are sending sms quite often. Think very soon we will become good friends. Then i have another good friend/soul mate already~!

Finally after fighting for so long, i will be getting my red beret next week. I don't know whether i be able to keep it but oh well, at least it marks the target i have been working hard towards. If you ask me if i am excited, i don't really think so. Maybe its because sam not going. I been fighting so hard to get if because of her. But i lost her (maybe not) because of it also. dilema eh? haha. maybe if she going i be more exicited i guess. But my parents are going. Think my mum and especially my dad will be very proud to see me don the red beret that day. haha but i really wish she could come. But i know i cannot force her, she having her exams. I really don mind. Ying lan ask me if she should go. Because zk invited her, but kel not getting it. She afraid of hurting him. Damn sweet girl. Kel really lucky to know her. i guess i be very lucky also if we become good friends next time. But before that i have to complete 72km route march. I was not so scared, but currently i having foot rot. I am afraid it will affect my foot and endurance. Hopefully i recover by the day itself. hopefully... anyway jAy new album quite nice. it contains quite a few nice slow songs. should go listen.....
=) its 2.30am. late but still i am not sleeping. not sleepy yet. occupational hazard. guess u know what i mean =P just put down the phone with sam. disappointed she never said some stuff that i wish to hear. But its okay. Hope that day comes soon. But i guess i should not expect too much. i just see how it goes. =)

family fun

2005-11-02T23:35:00.000+08:00

Spent the last 2 days with my cousins, abby and roy. we had a lot of fun fooling around with one another. they toTOaLly rOx. i am glad we are so much closer together. we were not so close to one another last time.... until recently...... (blessing in disguise)? ahaha i don know. but seriously during this few weeks i got to catch up with many of my close friends and family members. ever since i entered the army, i realise the importance of kinship. i guess one do learn something in NS after all. ahaha. i took a lot of pictures with my 2 cousins... the photos r quite nice.... i guess if possible i will try to upload them in my next entry. guess wat? we even pose a similar pose of a picture we took when we were vv young.... hhaha i try to upload it as well. then i guess u can see how much everyone has changed. i grown uglier.... abby grown prettier.. roy grown more manly and matured. haha. i guess anything might change, but there is one thing i am sure will not change at all. We are cousins 4EvER~!!! Can'T wAIt To gO kBoxINg and camping at each other hse again.. anyway i have to thank abby as well for designing my new blogskin for me. its so cute and nice. pretty nice eh? specially taliored made for her kor(me) ahah....

2005-11-01T09:04:00.000+08:00

歌曲：没有你的每一天

歌手：徐婕儿 专辑：爱之初

~没有你的每一天~
徐婕儿

回家的路总是很远
话少得很可怜
一个人的晚餐
都是孤单的滋味
看见身边重复上演
属于我们的画面
选择逃避的眼
怎么还是会流泪
爱着你的每一天
你就是我的世界
那时候还以为
我就爱这一遍
没有你的每一天
快乐离我好遥远
心已随你走了
还能用什么感觉

我舍不得睁开眼睛
害怕身边没有你
也许在梦境里
是我们最近的距离
想念你温热的手心
冷风里把我握紧
当冬天又来临
这温度该怎么延续

谢谢你曾经爱过我
给我最美的经过
但生命最爱被剥夺
未来的路该怎么走

2005-10-31T23:20:00.000+08:00

Its been quite fruitful day for me today. In the afternoon i went to play DOTA with wei liang, Jona, wei f and wen jing. The lan session made me realise one thing: some things in life may change, people may change also, but somehow friendship doesn. Some people have the idea that friendship last longer than love. u r able to remain as frens even if u break up. u r already frens even before u get together. so frm here, it seems that maybe friendship does last longer than love. i don know. it up to the individual to decide. it does seem to be that maybe being friends is ealier than being lovers. why? i guess its like what weiqi told me yesterday: in friendship, there no demand. in love, there is a level of demand from the other party. u won mind if your friends do not do this or forgot ur birthday or what. but if ur love ones forgets to msg u, forgets ur birthday or maybe even do things the way u don like, do not treat u the way u want them too. U will mind. trust me, u will. i experience this all the time. or at least i used to experience it =X haha.

i realise i grown a lot more mature recently(not that i was not mature before this). there are just some things in life you are able to predict not even say to control. Love is one of them. After all that has happened, i come to realise the fact that loving someone is like flying a kite. U don want to lose control of it so u will hold the string very tightly. sometimes too tightly that it will snap, due to tension. but sometimes when u hold the string too loosely, it may just slip through your finger and the kite is lost also. When u hold it tight, but not to the extend that the string will break, the kite stays stationary. There no progress in the kite(relationship) at all. So one must learn when to release, when to hold back in order for the kite to progress and yet it is under control. This is one thing i hope to learn and master. i failed once. but i will try again, with the same kite(i hope u know what i mean). hopefully this time, the kite will progress to further height, yet its still under control =)

HoPe.....

2005-10-31T00:48:00.000+08:00

Today been a great day for me... i bought a new bicycle... CosT quite a lot but i guess its really worth every cent i fork out. the gear is very smooth..... the seat is vv comfortable... the body of the bike looks vv cool also... lucky abby was around to persuade me to buy. if not i would not have bought it... haha. thanks abby =P

i cycled all the way to east coast.... then to parkway.. i went there to get cough syrup for my darling. i almost made a fool of myself... i forgot i din haf enuff cash with me at that point of time. haha luckily i realise it on time b4 paying for it.... went to draw money then back to buy again.... after that i went to meet wei qi. we talked for a few hours... feels so good that wei qi is still wei qi... he is still my soul mate after all these years... really felt so much better after talking to him.... it was also about time we catch up after all these years.... he been really down recently. i hope he can regain his confidence soon.... i know he will be able to do it.. i have 100% faith and confidence in him. Wei Qi jia you k... i know u are going the be the next XLS..... u can do it de. u can be sure that even if no one believes in u, u always have me and wf to support u. we have full confidence in ur ablilities... prove ur mei wrong. =)

Went to meet my darling after that... the meeting was vv sweet. just like old times, she came down in her comfy wear... everything seems to went back to normal... it was so nice... i even cycled her around wif my new bike... hugging her closely within my arms... her familiar scent... so nice, so sweet... guess what... she agreed to go to Dinner and Dance with me..... i don know what this means but i am happy... i not going to care what our relationship is now... i don wanna bother her abt this.. but i really happy e ways things worked out tonight. happie =) i felt loved again.... she hugged me.... i finally got my wish for a hug.... it was meant to be an encouragement hug... somehow i feel its more than that.... i don know why.... but somehow i know its more than just that.... i felt warm and loved again... i am so happie =) i love u so much darling.... =) u can do it de k... i know the stress might be killing u, its vv difficult to catch up with the work b4 exams but i believe u can do it de.... i have full faith in u.... i always do.... jia you dear... meanwhile leave the shopping for ur clothes and shoes and makeup to me for the d&d to me.... =) i cant wait to bring u and show all my friends how pretty u r =)

trying hard to adapt....

2005-10-29T20:22:00.000+08:00

well.... been a week or 2 since i broke up with u..... well u said u needed time so i agreed. i willing to give u the space and time... hopefully u really come back. i been doing stupid things recently.. like my shooting... i will tell myself if i can hit 6/6 target u will come back to me and u will love me more than before...... and stuff like that.. just to make myself feel better.. maybe this sounds stupid but at least by doing this it gives me hope.... i even tell myself if i can pick up how many expanded bullets on the ground u will come back to me... ahah... i guess i just silly, but thats just me. this is me... i called u just now.... ur phone could get through but u din pick up.... but now i try to call again, ur phone been switched off. i hope u are not avoiding me... i belive u are not also... maybe ur battery is just flat.... i know u are with him somehow.. i really don mind.. i know i don have the ability to spend as much time as him or help u like the way he can. but i just keep trying... i just do my best, making u start reloving me once again... but i guess u must give me the chance.... i know u are busy... i cannot blame u also.. studies are really important.... some people will say why i am so stupid, i should just let u go... i just can't. i not like any of the rest of guys... i love u. i understand why this happened and i don blame anyone about it. not even him anymore. i guess the real fault lies with myself... i just realise i am the person who needs love to survive. i cant live without love. i belive its love that keeps the world going. its love that gives me the strength to carry on... i keep on trying... but u haf to give me chance... i really hope we can start afresh again.... i really hope u can come back to me darling...... please...... i miss u.. i miss u like crazy.... i haf to act when i call u... i don want to affect ur mood and studies so i never want to talk about anything sensitive over the phone these days.... u promise u will call.. but until now i am always the one calling... i hope someday u will take the initialtive to call or msg me.... i hope tat day comes soon...i hope the day that u come back to me will come soon... in the mean time i just wait... i just wait for u...... u haf to take care of ur health.... must try to drink more water.... i know u been coughing... i pass u the syrup soon... must try to sleep early too..... i miss u...

i guess i am wrong....

2005-10-23T19:55:00.000+08:00

darling... i guess maybe u are right... there is no right or wrong in love... i guess i wrong to scold jackson... i realise i did try to take someone away from her boyfriend before. i guess if i am scolding him means i scolding myself at the same time too i guess... i did not regret letting the gal knew how i felt tat time. but i am relieved now that she chose to stick to her boyfriend rather than me. if she together with me now, i would have felt guilty, although i guess there no right or wrong in love. i am glad, i am glad she din choose me. i guess there nothing wrong going for the gal u love. but if i am really with e gal today, i would have thought i done a wrong thing. i guess i am wrong to scold him... i am sad... vv sad... hurt also when u defended him. but i guess u r right. u r just saying wats right. maybe i drop by ur void deck later b4 i book in.... just sit there and stare into space... recalling all the happy times we had together. i miss ya.... i really hope u come back to me by my side... =(

where is my sam?

2005-10-23T18:45:00.000+08:00

well. here i am again moaning... haha. my whole family been asking u where u are, why u never come.... i told them u are busy... but it really hurts whenever they ask me... i won tell them wat happen. there is no need to.... i belive u will choose me at the end.... i hope... i booking in tonite... this time i going in alone... i going to miss you... but i will jiayou for ur sake darling. =) i love you.

Its only Day 1.....

2005-10-23T18:23:00.000+08:00

*sigh*... sometimes i will ask myself why things will end up this way. but i can't seem to find the answer. is it my fault? i guess so.... i took you for granted once i entered the army... i forgot that u need to feel something special... i thot u din mind the routine activities we had every week, i was wrong so wrong... its really been a long time since i felt loved.. until last saturday.. i miss e feeling... i really miss it a lot. i can't live without you. i need ur sms or call to keep me going everyday... i just realised i was always the one who sms or call u first.... not u... i miss the times where i just receive an sms frm u saying u miss me so much so much, especially when i was away at some country... i miss the feeling... i want the feeling back... but i know its not possible for at least this period of time.... i really hope u will choose me at the end... not because whether its right, but because yyou love me.... i wait... like i said i wait for u, wait for you to come back to my arms... i miss ur hugs.. i really miss it so much.... =(

i swallowed my pride.... i went to contact the guy for ur sake. i made an agreement with him... we will not disturb you and let you concentrate on your studies. i asked him, i asked him whether he felt guilty causing all this, he said no.... he said he will only feel guilty if he let u down when u are with him. Does this guy haf any consience at all? this reflects so much about his character... give u up to him? no... i dont wan u to suffer and get hurt by him even if we cannot be together.... call me selfish. i don want u to get hurt... i don know wats wrong with him. its suppose to be a discussion between me and him and he haf to forward you the sms i send to him. that is cheap. a real low class move.... i dont care.. i just want you to know that i did it because of you....

abby sad too.... don be sad k... i really enjoyed the time we spent with one another during this wkend. u haf to jiayou k? u will meet someone better.... but i stick to samantha although u tell me i may meet someone better. i don care. i just want my sam back. no one else.... thanks keyuan for trying to cheer me up. i hope me and abby don affect ur fantasy about love... thanks von, for being there for me when i am down... i try to pick myself up. but i won give up, i won let my sam be snatched away by someone as evil as him... i don wan her to suffer. i miss her... i don know how i will survive through this period before everything is settled... but i will try... i will try for you darling... just for you..... i love you, i still love you although u might haf hurt me. i love you...

please don go... bie zou hao mA?

2005-10-22T13:26:00.000+08:00

歌曲：拥抱

歌手：五月天 专辑：听不到你

脱下长日的假面奔向梦幻的疆界
南瓜马车的午夜换上童话的玻璃鞋
让我享受这感觉我是孤傲的蔷薇
让我品尝这滋味纷乱世界的不了解

昨天太近明天太远默默聆听那黑夜
晚风吻尽荷花叶任我醉倒在池边
等你清楚看见我的美月光晒干眼泪
那一个人爱我
将我的手紧握
抱紧我吻我喔爱~~~别走*

隐藏自己的疲倦表达自己的狼狈
放纵自己的狂野找寻自己的明天
向你要求的誓言就算是你的谎言
我需要爱的慰借就算那爱已如潮水

repeat*

那一个人爱我
将我的手紧握
抱紧我吻我喔爱~~~别走

抱紧我吻我喔爱~~~别走
抱紧我吻我喔爱~~~

sad...

2005-10-22T13:22:00.000+08:00

歌曲：我让你走了

歌手：潘玮柏 专辑：wuha

我一直坐在咖啡厅的角落
没有人发现我还在难过
其实早就已经忘了怎么说
就算再怎么舍不得
你还是走了
我还不想承认这事实
怎么会变成这个样子
没有了
我真的什么都没有了
就象一个废人
回家的路上我哭了
眼泪再一次崩溃了
无能为力这样走着
再也不敢骄傲奢求了
我还能够说些什么
我还能够做些什么
我好希望你会听见
因为爱你我让你走了
我让你走了baby

我一直坐在咖啡厅的角落
没有人发现我还在难过
其实早就已经忘了怎么说
就算再怎么舍不得
你还是走了
我还不想承认这事实
怎么会变成这个样子
没有了
我真的什么都没有了
就象一个废人
回家的路上我哭了
眼泪再一次崩溃了
无能为力这样走着
再也不敢骄傲奢求了
我还能够说些什么
我还能够做些什么
我好希望你会听见
因为爱你我让你走了
回家的路上我哭了
眼泪再一次崩溃了
无能为力这样走着
再也不敢骄傲奢求了
我还能够说些什么
我还能够做些什么
我好希望你会听见
因为爱你我让你走了
我让你走了baby

Does things have to end up like this???

2005-10-22T12:54:00.000+08:00

Never knew my second posting on my blog will be such a sad one. I din expect things to happen so fast. i took a gamble, some people told me it was a risk but i still took it. why? all because of you... i love u too much. i don want to affect your future because of me. i guess i am not worth it. I always believed love is forever.... although i guess there is no such thing in this world anymore, i still stick to my principle.

The funny thing is.... it seems that my relationship with u ended bacuase of the same reason as my first... Von told me its because my love for a girl was too great... too much for a 19 year old gal to handle... I don understand... i always believed that when you really like the person, you should love her 100% and nothing less. You give her everything u can. Love to me, is about the willingness to sacrifice for the other party. It is not the sweet sweet feeling u have when a couple just started going out with one another. This sweet feeling cannot last. it really can't. i missed the feeling. i really miss it. i tried to bring it back, i tried to woo u back again but i failed. i failed. did i not try hard enough or is it becauase of your exams coming up? i don't know and i don dare to think. i don't dare to open my eyes every morning, because i know i won be able to find u by my side.... i never hated you... never ever... i love you too much to hate you... but i hate the guy. i hate jackson. u know she's mine and still u go ahead and tried to steal her away from me. u may be smarter than me, a better sweet talker than me, but are u able to love her as much as i do? i almost fell out with my mum because of sam. i didn care at that time. all i know is that i love u, i love sam. i still do. U r cheaP. i ever thought of giving u a good wallop.... wallop u upside down. but i guess u r not worth it. Watch out. u will always live in guilt. always. no gals will ever like u anymore if they know how bastard u are. i never use vulgar until today. U r a FuCKer. A cHeebYE. Do u know that if u really wanna whack u, i just need to give a call to my friends? u know how many pple will come down and whack u. i leave it for u to guess. Live in guilt. sucker.

i am still waiting... my heart was shattered.... but it managed to stay in one piece again. i missed last wkend. i never felt so love in such a long time. i really miss the feeling... i need to be loved.. do u know i doing all these for u... not for myself... being in commandos, getting the red beret, enduring the training... i do it because of u... so may scold me silly. but thats just the way i am. i cried. i am crying now. i teared. i am tearing now... i don deny. i am a weak person. i cry easily when it comes to love matters. thats just the way i am.... i really need to be loved... when there one thing i am vv happy abt... i know i have a gd friends that care so much abt me... Wei Fu, Wei Qi,,,, even my cousin aby... but i guess the most impt person is Von.... when i am sad, the first one that i will call is her. she is always there to lend a listening ear to me. i really really appreciate it. i hope she will find her prince charming vv soon. she a nice gal.

i miss you darling.... i want u to come back to my side.... i don want you to go.... i want to be with u again.....

Finally?

2005-10-18T18:35:00.000+08:00

Finally? after much nagging by my cousin i finally decided to start a blog. i always wanted to start but i just did not have the time... i guess its just a lame excuse =P stay tune.... i be updating it soon again... =)